Smile perspective

Rejoice in what your given! Its when times are tough that that saying is so much harder and a bit annoying, but also when it is the most needed. Every day i walk through the halls here at the hospital and the moment i want to feel pitiful for myself all i need to see is the all the sick little kids. This of course being a childrens hospital, you see it all, but when you would compare the kids attitudes here to what an adult going through the same thing, you would be amazed. There was a little boy today when i was getting back from my, i think third time walking back to the apartment, that made my heart ache and smile at the same time. When he got wheeled in by his dad he was attached to a stand full of meds and a feeding tube. I would guess he was about four, no hair and swollen from what i could guess as luekemia treatments. But through all the pain he was in and could see from the just the machines attached to him, was his smile. He looked at me and just smiled, a smile you could see from his forehead to his toes, and i teared up. At that moment all i could think about was how self involved ive been lately complaining about not being home and having a cold or whatever it is. But then this angel of a child came on attached to medicine to feed him, meds to releive his pain, and support him for hopefully a long time till he goes home. And all he had was a smile and just happy, even in pain and im sure far away from a home or place he wished he was.

It puts it all in prospective when you walk through these halls, how grateful i am to have my baby still, a house i CAN go back to, and a family i love. Sure i still have my bouts, but God definitely put me in a hospital where its hard to really feel bad for yourself when so many little kids are so sick next to you, most way worse off. Since we have been here at this hospital we have personally seen three families that have lost thier babies, all little girls. I know partly the feeling of knowing you are going to loose your child, but to really loose them i dont. So again the fact that i was given the gift to have her still is beyond something to rejoice in.

Now of course im hurting pretty bad i wont be home for mothers day now, but i now know better then to hope to be home for something in particular. That way im not quite as disappointed.

She is now on her third day of hand dialysis. They started out on low volumes since they dont want to chance leaking from the incission from surgery saturday. Before of course she was up to 175ml but the started her back at 50. They have gone up 10ml each day and wont try the cycler till she is atleast at 100. So doing the math that will be 3 more days till we will know if the surgery was successful. So this mom is crossing every toe, finger, and even eyes in hopes and prayers it works.

A few pics for those that are not on facebook to see how shes grown...

My brother gets to hold her

Four generations

My blue eyed beauty

No shortage of love for her...this picture tells so much.

The Smile!!!! (and the cheeks)