So I sit here mad hurt crying, mad hurt yelling, mad hurt and just plain MAD! I'm covered in vomit not even knowing how many times, in tears, in fear, and mad. My baby, innocent, lies in my arms in between fits of screaming and puking fighting a disease that is going to take her life. Yes! Her life! Why? What did I do? If I could have a talk with God right now I would have him take mine, right now to save her from this. Yes I'm so very happy I was a match to donate till her but daily, like now, I know it's just a bandaid. As I sit here I type, I catch my tears from falling on her and my soul screams, the point of crying where no tears fall anymore. This is not fair, and not ok. This child is such a light to so many, and I'm sorry but right now I'm broken. I don't get it, I don't see it, all i see is a innocent child screaming in pain asking to be helped and I can't. Broken just flat out broken. So right now I pray for God to give me strength that I can't get, strength that I don't want that I have to have, and strength to hold the tears for smiles I know I'll have. Amen...but crying still because my soul is flat out broken