New Phone New Life

First have to apologize for not posting for who knows how long now. What I do know is it is November almost December and Faith is now 9 months. A month from now would mark the time I found out my baby would most likely not be with me. Well she is and believe me I count myself lucky. I also find myself seeing her healthy as any other baby until I am smacked with reality when she starts getting sick and I hear of all the other babies suffering with this awful disease. My sweet Angel has pulled through so much, touched so many, and made me believe in miracles.

With that though I have been hit with the pain of loss. I have been blessed to be part of an amazing group of moms that are dealing with kids, and babies with this terrible condition. At times seems so unfair but I have to constantly step back and realize it is out of my control. As I sit here rocking her to sleep, since she is fighting it, I see how fragile she is. The last two days she hasn't been herself and really fussy. It is always a fear that it is an infection or something that could end us back in the hospital. Colds take on a whole new meaning and fevers are an auto anxiety attack. A balance of Faith and giving it back to god that it is not my call on what happens.

With that said I was given the devastating news yesterday that Harriet 'Ho Ho' had passed away. She was to me and the kids a part of our family. Tristan would constantly ameris away to go see her or if I needed a laugh her door was always open. We were walking to see her when we were told she had passed 2 weeks ago. I've been a mess since that moment and knowing 2 weeks prior tristan had asked to go see her and I told him we would later. Well later has passed along with the option to see her again. That pain of loss is hard, watching your children feel that pain is worse, but also knowing moms out there that have recently lost their babies to this awful disease is the worst.

So with the month of thankfulness almost done (which should be all year) I counting my blessings to have my baby here and not mourning her loss.