Later that day they got the results of what kind of fungus
it was and it was one that was very well treated with a med that didn’t have
quite the amount of side effects as the med she was on. The next night was my
night to stay and let Dan sleep. That
next morning at 8 am they started to wheel her out of the room to place her
temporary Hemo port. Now before this surgery was hard because there was such a
sense of failure in my heart but today was hurt and pain and of course
fear,,,which I tried not to over take me. The thing with this one is she would
be intubated, and with Faiths’ lung condition and her history with being
intubated just made my stomach turn. They of course have to come and tell you
the risks and then I said my goodbyes, of course with no way of holding my
tears in. I didn’t wait very patiently for them to call or let me know how
things were because in a way I could feel that the way they expected it to go
it wouldn’t, and didn’t. First of all we came back to the room after getting ourselves
together and were told they were placing the permanent line. Now of course I
wanted that and was not too fond of having a tube coming out of her neck, but
the fact that the people that she was in the hands of didn’t tell us kind of
unnerved me.
When we went back to see her she was really out of it and
were told they had to pull the first catheter out because it wast o small and
the other was too big and they trimmed it down but would be positional for
flow. We had to wheel her directly to dialysis to try to see if it would work
since she hadn’t been dialyzed for almost 48 hours. When they hooked her up to
the machine, which is just scary it started out ok but then she started to
scream and then where they cut her to place the catheter opened and started to
bleed everywhere. Ok so the whole idea of it all was unnerving but then adding
seeing what was going on in from of us just sent us over the edge. Dan began to
break and had to get away from everyone because he lost it. See with both of us
we had her health and comfort so much in our hands, a lot more then we realize
at times, until the times are upon us. Thanks are to god the next day’s showed
such improvement. She began to smile and eat again and Thursday evening we were
discharged to the Ronald McDonald house. Sleep was not one of the benefits to
being there but being out of the hospital setting was a relief.
So at this point she is 6 days a week, 2 hours a day on
hemo, and is flowing good and not hurting her, besides making her not eat or
move around for that whole time. So every day we wake up head over and start
our day telling her not to eat and not move, not a good way to start the day
for a 1 year old whose breakfast is life to her. It has been a feat to say the
least.
Well here the news, to me, and everyone in our lives. Dan
all this time has been the one hoping to be the one to give his kidney to save Faith,
well we got the very shocking and depressing news he was not the match to her.
Doctors came in that next day to talk to me and how Faith
was, our main thing the whole time once she went through this whole infection
thing was we were not wanting to be putting her through a whole new set of
surgeries just to tide her over till transplant, so why not rush it?
Well rush it is what we got. When we started talking to them
and they told us Faith’s transplant workup would be pretty quick, but the
biggest thing was the donor testing. This, they told us would be the shortest
of two months which usually never happened, and may take 6. With how Faith has
been doing, we didn’t have the 6 months to maybe find someone, which scared me.
If Dan wasn’t then we would have to wait every time someone got tested, and no
telling how long that would be. So on a thought, which had never even crossed
my mind before I called my OB to check my blood type. I AM AN O!
This is when the emotions start to collide. I was happy I
was a match, scared I was a match, and mad Dan wasn’t. That was what he was
going to do. Wasn’t it? All this while God has been quite a sneaky one with all
of this. The moment we know it will be ok, he takes shows us where to hold
fast. The moment we give up, he showed us hope. The moment we were not willing
to give in, we gave her back to him and He gave her back to us tenfold.
But now I sit here at a crossroads mad, sad, and scared. Why
me? Why could have it not been Dan, but then again it may not be me? That is
where the teeter totter is. If I am not the one it will crush me, when I never
expected to be the one to be the one to save her life.
As I said before it takes a minimum of months to do the work
up on me for testing and come to find out Faith will be done on Friday and they
will have the FULL conference on her two Wednesdays from now to put her on
surgery books. For me, and most of you, the donor program is a foreign thought
or idea so not really something most people know much about, much less me. Well
it is a “Donor” driven program. So unless you call, make the appointments, push
the doctors, and make this known you WANT this done, it doesn’t happen. SO I
came into this pushing, shoving, punching and yelling. This is not something I
could WAIT to happen. Again, this is where GOD had his hand. I got a call
today. ALL and I say ALL of my work up tests and appointments will be done by Friday.
I will know within 12 days if I am a match to save my daughter’s life. They are
shoving all the appointments, and I mean allot of stuff I am SCARED of in two
days. So in other words me and my FAITH will done Friday to wait together to
know if I will be able to give her COMPLETE life.
So ANGER, SADDNESS, FEAR, HOPE, AND HAPPINESS fall into
these next weeks for us. Yes it was news I did not expect, but as for the the
life of Faith she has sure been the one to show us when not to expect what we
want, but what God has planned for us.
So I ask now for Prayer for Faith in these next weeks to
hold strong till that kidney come, and me, that I have FAITH that all things
are in HIS plan. For I am scared and God has some way of making my fear of
needles a reality.
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