Yet another surgery

Yesterday started way too early, especially when I couldn’t sleep at all. We got on the rode a little before 5am and headed to Seattle. Of course the traffic was horrible. I broke into tears twice on the way up to check her in. This surgery has been a really hard one to be ok with, which I don’t think you ever want them to have surgery. When we arrived Dans' mom was there and since we were the first case for Dr Murguerian and Healy we got back to the e pre op room quickly after checking in. Of course the normal run through of all the teams involved came in telling what they would be doing and the risk of their side of things, which is always so settling. This whole time it was pretty easy keeping Faith distracted and mind off of all the doctors coming in and out. But that all changed when I put on my scrubs to take her back to the OR. She cried the whole way and my throat at that point already had the lump in it trying to keep the tears down. Once I had to lay her on the table for them to put the gas mask on she started to scream “mommy please no, mommy all done”, with the look of complete fear in her eyes. It was at that point every fiber of my being fought to not break down and stay calm and sing her to sleep. Feeling her go lifeless in my arms made my soul break and I lost it. I held the tears back as well as I could while I walked back to the pre op room to Dan and that is when I don’t remember much but crying from depth of my toes. This surgery from the moment it was told she needed has not set well with me at all, but knew she needed it. I soon found out why I had that feeling. She was taken back to the OR at 7:40am and sat in the waiting room with Gus and Chris, and at 11:50 we got the page she was heading to recovery. That is when her surgeons came out telling how it went and how it went way quicker since she didn’t have as much scar tissue as they expected. They needed to place a stint in which will need to be removed in a few weeks and check if the surgery worked but other than that they said it went well. We sat for way longer than normal waiting to be paged to go to the room to see her. We finally got a page that one of us needed to go back to recovery with her, since they needed help. Dan let me go and I walked back to hear her crying. We tried everything to get her calmed down but the more she woke up, the more agitated she got, feeling the catheter, ivs and pain. With every person that came in the more upset she got. We discussed options of what we could do to help with her pain and anxiety. The thing is when you are in the hospital that much you know what’s going on plus she is very un fond of catheters which all combined was not helping her keep her oxygen up or stop crying. So morphine and valium was ordered for pain and anxiety and another med to help with bladder spasms. Finally with that and her epidural I was able to get her to calm down and relax so we could get to our hospital room. Once we were back in the room of course everyone comes and checks her and asks questions, so much so that she was not able to nap. Then the long night began. First being told that her creatinine a few weeks ago was not good, which I was never told and that would be checking in the morning and may have to do ultrasounds on her kidney again to check it. So that set the night off not at all on the right foot. Then vitals were supposed to be only every 4hours which should mean between those times she, and I are able to sleep, but that was NOT the case. The longest stretch we got was an hour and 20 minutes. About half way through the night too her catheter got plugged so they had to resituate it and upset her even more, along with a needle poke again to wake her up this morning. So to say the very very least this morning I am exhausted, upset they wouldn’t leave her alone and now waiting for some kind of word on what the plan is. Another fun time in the hospital