You would think on a day like this in Washington when its actually sunny and not raining my spirits would be up and I would have a good day. But for some reason I just couldn't get out of this funk all day. Like I was stuck in some nightmare or something, just felt out of it and on the verge of tears all day. I am sure a lot has to do with how tired I am.
I met my amazing Mom Aunt and Grandma for lunch since I had to go to Costco and a couple other places. I really wanted to spend the time with them but was just one of many days I didn't want to be in public. Because in public random people ask the questions that when your in my position you just don't want to say. Some days I can act all fine and happy when people, and seems like everyone, says" oh your so cute, when are you due? What are you having?". But today it was like a knife to my heart everytime I had to put on a smile and answer as if nothing was wrong with my sweet baby girl and I was excited to have her soon. The fact of the matter is I'm scared to death to go into labor because then the reality will be upon us.
After we ate lunch I decided to walk through Michaels with them hoping to get my mind in a better place, but it was as if I was walking in a daze. And then my Mom held up a rubber ducky that said girl on it and I couldn't contain myself and had to walk out. For the most part I've been doing a lot better lately but the last two days I have felt so alone and depressed. Then not being able to turn my brain off to sleep makes it even worse because being exhausted when you are already low is not a good combo.
Tomorrow is my first doctor appointment of the week and the last time I will meet with my OB that always gives me some hope. Then Friday I am starting full care at the specialists and appointments almost every day next week with other doctors. So again it begins not being able to gget anything done and being back on the roller coaster.
Andrea, Heidi told me about what you're going through and said you had a blog so I came to read, I hope you don't mind. I know we don't know each other that well, but I've been praying for you and Faith. Unfortunately, the last 2 months have been the worst of my life and I have gone through something similar. Although the diagnois was different, I know exactly how it feels to hear that your baby girl might not make it. I know our situations are different, but all of the emotions you talk about are so familiar to me. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to call me. Take care, and I'll be praying for you guys. Becky Hufana
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers...its gonna be a long road but hoping it won't be as hard as they say it may be.
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