Shower of Love for Faith

What a whirl wind it is beginning to be, as if its not been on yet. Friday was my last ultrasound appointment till this little babes comes. It was the first time that my appointment was in the afternoon so I actually had time to get a few things done. I got the kideos off to school and got our taxes together to drop off on the way in and then I had to get back to pick them up since they had a half day. Mel actually had the day off and Bev was coming down a day before the shower so they both were planning on being here for my appointment. We went and met Bev, Mona, Kendal, Avi, and my mom for lunch and then I ran into Target before we headed to the appointment.

As time goes on walking any amount of time feels like I’ve walked miles. So by the time I showed up there I was doing the best waddle I could do, or should I say I was trying not to do. Well as we waited, usually they only allow one person in with me so I was hoping Mel would be able to come in to since I asked Bev earlier last week if she wanted to. I had the same Sonographer as I have had the last 4 times so I asked her when she passed by us if it was ok for both my sisters could come in. She of course is a sweetheart and said yes and also agreed to let my Mom too! Seeing as though it was my sisters first time being able to come and see the ultrasound she explained everything as she went through the check up.

She started with her heart and heart beat which also started the tears. As I have said so many times you can never hear it enough. Next was the head size measurement and kidney size. The kidneys are now about 6 cm which isn’t a ton bigger but the good thing was, was that there was still a very good amount of blood flow through them. She then explained where each body part was to them and listened to cord blood flow, which all still looked really good. Of course she went on the fluid hunt and her stomach and bladder were both full and as we looked at fluid pockets she peed!! Which is a VERY good thing! We also found a pocket of 2cm of fluid too! And then to top it all off it was hard for her to get a good measurement because she kept on doing her practice breathing! Now as I mentioned last time there is a movement she does that is kind of like hiccups but I knew it wasn’t and asked her what it was…it is her breathing!!!!

So through this whole time I was in partial tears holding back from loosing it but everyone else had got to that point the moment they saw her heart beating. The thing with ultrasounds is that the amniotic fluid is the main factor in getting clear pictures. I asked her if I could get a profile picture of her for my sister Mona since I forgot to bring one in for her. She of course agreed and started down to her face. Now I didn’t expect much since is just harder to make things out but for some reason today it was as clear as could be. She first did the side profile, but she then turned her head towards the camera. This would be when I lost it. It was so vivid and clear, so much so that you could see her eyelids opening and closing, and then she started sucking her tongue with her mouth. It became so real all at once to me the features she had of us.

It is a miracle how they are knitted in your belly the way they are and how she responds to things. I walked out of there with a hope. Not so much that she would be ok but that she was ok and I had made a baby girl.

I called Dan to tell him everything we saw and found and of course was in tears the whole time, but the happiest tears I had shed in quite some time. I spent a couple more hours with my sisters before I headed home for the evening to relax.

Saturday was the shower for Faith which was one of those things I was looking forward to but also knew was gonna be hard. Of course as it goes I was trying to get ready and having contractions like crazy so a normal 20 minute shower and out the door turned into an hour. I showed up right on time to see so many people. Way more then I expected and it was so pretty. The not so good thing is that the had set it so I was sitting in front of everyone. Now there a few things I do not and I repeat do not like. One of those things being in front of a group of people, center of attention thing. But I put a couple chairs up next to me which my nieces sat in and then dear Darbi sat on the floor in front of me. Everyone ate and then about an hour into visiting Mel started the shower off.

It began light hearted with bingo, but then Mel began to talk. Now I really thought I would get through most if not all without crying, but the moment she began to talk and cry I was already trying to hold it together. She said some very sweet things first off and then handed out a cross with a ribbon for everyone to have to every time they saw it to remember us and our whole family through this. As she spoke and still crying is when I started to cry. Then Kenzie “Sissy” came up. For people who don’t know Kenzie is a total sweetheart and one of Savannas FAVORITE cousins and friends and one of the few people who can tear at my heart strings. Mel then explained that at Christmas time she had been buying all this baby stuff for Faith before we found out the terrible news, so when Mel told her what was going on she broke. While she sat in her room crying she wrote a book about Faith. In this book she also illustrated thoughout the book and gave it to me as she read it to everyone. It still amazes me, that girl.

Next on the list was dear Bev. At this point Dan luckily showed up and was able to sit with me through what she was about to say. She prayed for us and then read a note that was me talking to God and then God talking back to me. I will post that next time, but there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Then to make it harder for me she handed me a box and in that box was an antique baby ring. Seeing that ring in my finger just made my heart ache and she read a story to go along with the ring to.

Now it was a hard don’t get me wrong and opening those gifts was as difficult because there is an underlying fact that most of those gifts won’t be needed. But it was perfect. It was overwhelming the outpouring of love and support from friends and family and to have most of them in one room just made me feel at such peace.

It is now down to the wire with two days left at home before D day. I packed last night and was in such a fog trying to think of what I would even need to pack or want to pack or what options I needed to pack for. Once I was about half way done I began to fight the tears again and broke down. Now it is not that I don’t have faith in Faith but more that I am so scared and don’t know what is gonna happen or what it will turn out like. So how do you pack for the unknown? So I ended up with three different suitcases for every just in case I could think of. So one will be brought in when we check in on Thursday morning and the others will stay in the car in case the “in case happens”.

So we are to today. I am so tired I can barely think straight since my wonderful kids decided to wake me up at 3am…after I finally fell asleep around 1am. Mostly because I couldn’t turn my brain off to try to sleep.

So I ask for the prayers for my sanity in this most stressful and scary next few days where I have to get through the days and plan for the unexpected.

Till then
Andrea