The Waiting Game

I sit here tonight watching her move and kick and hiccup and do some move that I wish I could see to know what she was doing in there. Its the night before my regular weekly ultrasound. Well it is also the last one before our induction in 6 days! Yes 6 days! Now people keep making comments"it will soon be over". Yes it will but what will be over and what will begin? I am scared and would be lying if I said I wasn't. In some instances I'm excited to finally have an answer to all this doubt and worry. But then there is the other side because I will be going through the pain of labor not knowing what we will have to deal with. So yes there's a date and yes it is coming to quick in so many instances, except to the end of course the pain I'm in.

The feelings emotions and doctors visits seem to be compareable to this last weekend at the lake. Dan and I went up Saturday afternoon to one of my family friends cabin for the night. For of course the obvious reason, to get away. But to also have time to just be forced to relax and enjoy our last weekend alone before the chaos started. When we got there it started to storm, and the water and waves were rolling in, wind was howling and then it poured down rain. The next morning I woke up about 3am because I wasn't able to lay down in the bed so I went to try to sleep on the recliner. When I looked out the windows overlooking the lake it was dead calm, and the sun then came up to just pure glass water and not a cloud in the sky. As I sat out there on the deck in the silence of the morning I couldn't help but realize how much this weather was like what we have been going through. One day or moment it is a storm with waves and wind and rain, but then God gives us peace and the winds stop the waters calm, and the sun then shines.

We have been going through a storm since we found out about Faiths condition and will continue to, for all I know atleast 6 more days, but there is always the moments of peace mixed in there. As my wonderful Aunt said" fear doesn't come from God, so pray" and pray I do.Also that I am his child and in that it hurts him knowing I am in pain, but he has a reason this is all happening.

I do count my blessings everyday...which I have to when I am down just so I don't forget what I DO have, and that is the most amazing family, friends and support system that is here for me and I am so very lucky.

I do pray God let's Faith grow up and allows me to be her Mom here on earth and not just in heaven so that she can be touched and loved by those that love me.

This weekend is the shower for her. It is also one of those things I'm excited for, but know it is going to be hard. But with that I get to see and be around the ones I love.

Tomorrow as I said is my ultrasound which my sisters actually get to go with me too, and hopefully goes better then last weeks ultrasound appointment. Since that whole scare took so much out of me.

So as it stands the facts are...I am 1-2cm dialated, still 50% effaced (which I am still bleeding from her checking on Tuesday), Faith is still moving like crazy and passing her NST's with flying colors, her kidneys are still measuring the same size since we first found out about PKD which are 5.58cm, which is big, her chest is measuring small but only about 2weeks behind if not less, her heart is measuring right on track but with that it is taking up more room then her tiny chest has(which is one of the things that leads them to believe she won't have lung function), her fluid was basically nada, but she had fluid in her stomach and bladder. So as you can see, with every bad thing there is a good thing. Just like the storm there is a bit of sun that shows after. So fight my little girl fight. And we all love you so much!

Mom