Weekly Appointments Update

Well Tuesday marked the first week of full transfered care to Mary Bridge and no more visits to my regular OB. Was sad but also know it was needed. The thing with going to this office is not that they are not good at what they do, because they are. It is like I said before I just feel like another patient and every time we have went in to an appointment with them(which has been back and forth since we found the bad news out)we leave feeling like we got punched in the gut.

So since I had an appointment with the nephrologist for the first time too that day Dan took the day off to come with me. First on the list was the NST. Which the nurse brought us back and started to set me all up in my cushy chair, which I have to say is better then my doctors office where I just had to lay on my side. The thing was for some reason today was the first day they acted like I was a person and talked to me and I felt way more cared for. When she first started she was teaching a new nurse how to hook me up so the poking took a while longer because she was showing her where Faiths butt, feet and back were. Which you can feel every bone on her. When they finally got all the monitors on they turned the volume up and there she was! I can't explain enough the feeling I get just hearing her heart beat. I remembered to record it on my phone this time so I could have it forever. And true to my baby girl she was active as always, and had double the amount of movements and heart acceleration as they want. So passing with flying colors.

Next was the Doctor consult where she answers all my lists of questions and tells me whatever news she has had. I don't really know what it has been every other time but the doctor too for the first time seemed warm and encouraging. I can only think that my prayers about having to leave South Sound Womens Center was gonna be ok were answered. She asked how I have been doing and since I haven't wrote in a while, not the best. Ever since this last Saturday I have just not felt good. My stomach has been bothering me, appetite has been non existent, been off and on dizzy, blood sugars have been ALL over the place, and I just haven't felt right. Well as she said its a combo of a few things, of course. Stress(which is of course a part of my life now), the fact that I may be getting a virus which in most prego women you don't get the same symptoms as everyone else, or I could be showing signs of preterm labor!!! Which freaked me out. The thing is, is if I start to go into labor they will not try to stop it.

SO after that nice conversation we began to talk about the induction date and certain questions I had for her on how it would go. I don't know if it is just me but I ask A LOT of questions, but I also want to know what I can since a lot is out of my hands. So the plan is to induce me in between February 23rd and March 2nd. In between now and then she will be checking me to see how my cervix is doing and most likely I will come in EARLY Monday the 28th and start induction. Otherwise if my cervix is doing nothing before then they will have me come in on Sunday night, give me drug to ripen my cervix and then start the Petocin the next morning. They will not break my water till they have to and at that point if she is still doing good they CAN put a catheter in for fluid to cushion her. But as she said to us she may do ok without having fluid pumped in and doesn't want to do anything that doesn't have to be done. This is all in the hopes that each bi-weekly visit she is doing good and if she handles labor ok. If not a c-section may have to be done...which I so do not want.

SO i left feeling not as low as I usually have been walking out of there. Although I was dizzy and about fell over. From there we headed to Tacoma General to meet with the Nephrologist. We of course got told the wrong time so had to wait, but during our wait our pallative care nurse came and brought us back to talk to us and go over our care and birth plan. I have to say she is one of the most personable and sweetest person I have met yet on this journey. She told us she has talked to all the doctors and nurses and they all know our situation and know who we are, not by face of course, but our story. So if by any chance we have to come into the hospital before the scheduled induction they will know who we are and know what we want to happen in cases that we have a control in. Then we talked about wrestling since her son is about the same age as Jordan and districts are this weekend. Which could have gone on forever had the nurse not came and got us. She brought us into one of the room where the kidney patients go and we waited for the doctor.

When she came in the room it was the first time I had seen her so she wasn't what I expected. Which I don't think any of the doctors I've spoke with on the phone have been. She was young but as sweet in person as she was on the phone. SO she went over what we would expect short term and long term in best and worse case scenario. But all comes down to how she does when she is born. She could have a feeding tube, dialysis tube, possible liver problems, diet restrictions, of course a bunch of medicine and possible transplant which they wouldn't be able to do till she is 1 or 2 since they have to put an adult kidney in her. SO with that it is all a wait and see. So WAIT AND SEE, HOPE AND SEE, PRAY AND SEE. My moto I guess for the next who knows how long.

With all of this going on to it has been a strain on me and Dan since he is working over time alot and the more time that goes by the more in pain I am, which doctor said is normal. He is so positive, and she is gonna be fine attitude, where I am hoping she will be ok and praying she will, but only God knows her plan so for me I have her now and can't say she will be fine. So you can see the disconnect between us. It is hard because I can't really voice my concerns and fears because it just upsets him because I'm not being positive and I don't want to bring him down. So please pray for us because some how we need to be strong together instead of separate in this.

So a note to my baby girl. I love you so much! You have been kicking and hurting me like crazy today and the whole time I have been writing this, maybe to tell me not to worry. But hopefully as you grow up you will see that Mom is a worrier. I would gladly give my life to let you have yours and that's what pains me the most. Because I don't want you to feel pain and hurt like they say you may feel when all I want to do is protect you. SO I continue to pray for you, sing to you, rub your tiny little body, and dream of the days I hope to have with you. Till then my sweet baby girl.

Love Mom